$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
