Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
