there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't put those talents on a resume
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
