I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
