After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
