I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
