I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize