nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
