I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
