I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
