I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
