I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
