Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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