my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
