you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
