Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
