Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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