It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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