mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
