Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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