i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
