That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
