neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
