since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize