gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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