How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
