the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
