i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize