shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize