he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
