he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
