peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
