Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
