..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Someone came in the potted fern
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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