Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
