Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
