talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and she was petting her beer can
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
