eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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