none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
