I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
