Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
