I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
