Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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