Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
