ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
