i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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