Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You can't motorboat a personality
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
