kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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