I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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