had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
