Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
