So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
