The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
nutella sex= disaster
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize