naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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