I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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