oh god the rape fog is back!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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