Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize