No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
