I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
