I feel like I'm in dance class right now
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize