i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
