i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
