I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
