On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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