I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
